Nothing to WINE about

At dismissal, breathing in the crisp, outside air:

Student: It smells like wine out here!
Me: How do you know what wine smells like?
Student: My mom drinks it ALL the time!
Me: Ah.
Student (reading the teacher's expression):
Well, not for BREAKFAST, but for lunch. And dinner. And after dinner. And sometimes in bed. And on the weekends.

Maybe she's a teacher?!

Heard from across the classroom:

Student: MRS. BUTLER! OH MY GOD!!
Me: (said nothing, maybe a quick pants check...)
Student: YERTLE AND BUDDY HAD A BABY, AND IT'S A FISH!!!

Which is funny because A) Buddy and Yertle are turtles, and B) because I forgot to tell the kids I'd added feeder fish to the tank over the holiday break. Oops. ;)